i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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