If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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