....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
