Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
