at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Who did Billy Mays play for?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize