So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Girls should come with a carfax report
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
