Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
