YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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