i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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