i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i need some magic done to my vagina
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
