we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize