my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
