I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
