woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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