So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
