I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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