Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
