I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
