you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize