never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
