Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
