How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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