haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
