Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
