I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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