Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
