conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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