good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
