i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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