I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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