My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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