I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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