you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
