I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize