Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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