then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
