I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
