we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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