I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
