But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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