Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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