I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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