It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
