I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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