i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
