I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
