wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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