Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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