Pregnant stripper...not hot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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