you would pick up someone in the library
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
