and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
