Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm passing your future prison.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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