i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Randomize
