I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Randomize
