Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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