Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize