I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
