oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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