i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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