Me too!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
