Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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