I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
