cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He kissed a someone with a penis
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
