I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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